Page 17

Inside his apartment Lance quickly packs a bag with a change of clothes, some essential toiletries, and a Bowie Knife (just in case). He then returns to the steps where the mysterious man is still waiting, and is beckoned to climb into the passenger seat.
“So, since you know so much about me, how about telling me your name?” asks Lance.
“It’s Simeon.”
“So, Simeon, why did my sister send you to find me?”
“Just because she trusts me, and I’m good at tracking people down.”
Lance considers this, and can’t think of any reason to distrust Simeon’s answer.
“Well, are we gonna leave?” Lance petitions.
“Oh, I was waiting for you to tell me where we’re going?”
“Wha..?”
“Only joking. Yeah, let’s get out of here.”
Simeon starts the car and pulls into the street, then heads for the highway. For a moment Lance loses focus staring at all the city lights as they pass. Porta’s grandeur never seems to get old for Lance, which is part of the reason he settled down there in the first place. Now if only he could find a good woman, like his mother always hoped he would. Someone to confide in, someone to look after, and someone to look after him. But wait! This isn’t the time for getting into that. What about Lance’s sister?
“Oh, yeah, I can’t believe I forgot to ask. What kind of trouble is my sister in anyway?”
Simeon, with a 7/11 in his sights, responds, “Let me get into that when I can tell the whole story all the way through. Right now I’ve gotta stop for some snacks. I’d suggest you pick something up for the road, too.”
Simeon parks the car and walks into the 7/11, headed for the Twinkies. Lance settles on some Combos, Pizzeria Pretzel, and begins to head for the cash register. The cashier has her back turned, reaching up above for some cigarettes for another customer. This would be the perfect opportunity for Lance to stow the Combo’s away in his jacket pocket.

Should Lance attempt to steal the Combo’s?

If you think Lance should say “Namaste”, pay, and be on his way, turn to page 34.
If you think Lance should take the Combos, and save himself a couple bucks, turn to page 42.

Choose your own adventure

Lance is walking throught the streets of Porta after a night spent with some old friends at a downtown club. He could’ve taken a cab, but it’s only about a mile and a half to walk back to his apartment building. Porta is still a pretty safe city to be out in at night, especially for a man, so Lance didn’t worry as he made his way. Approaching his apartment building, Lance sees a car parked outside, on the street. Though not an unusual sight during the day, it’s a little less common late at night, but still Lance isn’t worried as he approaches the steps. Suddenly a man opens the drivers side door and stands.
    “You Lance?”
    “Who wants to know?” 
    “Look, it’s about your sister. She’s in trouble. She wants you to come with me.”
    Lance scoffed. “My sister? Haven’t seen her in over two years. Come on, you expect me to believe that?”
    “Look I’m serious. Lance, that’s short for Lancelot, right? You used to live in the space station, with your parents, when you were younger. You’ve got a scar on your back from when you fell out of a tree and another branch snagged you. She told me all this stuff.”
    “She really asked you to come and get me?”
    “She really did man. I’m not lying. Will you come?”
    Lance thought for a moment. “Alright, just let me go get a few things inside real quick.”
    “Alright, hurry.”

Should Lance trust the man?
If you think Lance can trust the mysterious stranger, turn to page 17.
If you think Lance should try and sneak out the back of the apartment, turn to page 53.

The Newest Disney Channel Original Movie

Read it and Weep: Best DCOM Ever?

Last night I watched the latest Disney Channel Original Movie called “Read it and Weep.” It wasn’t as high action as “Brink”, “Johnny Tsunami”, or “Jett Jackson the Movie”, or as musically entertaining as “High School Musical” or “Even Stevens the Musical” but it ranks among the top among movies featuring themes of “sudden popularity syndrome” i.e. “Alley Cats Strike”, as well as teenage romance.

    The Panabaker sisters did a good job, as usual, in “Read it and Weep”, but younger sister Kay really carries the movie as High School Freshman/ Best Selling Author  Jamie Bartlett. Jamie learns a lot about how to tell who your real friends are after going from being  the most popular girl in school to the most resented in about a week.

    Another great bonus to “Read it and Weep” was the triumphant return of Tom Virtue of Even Stevens fame. Virtue played the Patriarch of the Stevens family, Steve Stevens, alongside promising young star Shia Laboeuf. In “Read it and Weep” Virtue plays Ralph Bartlett, father of Jamie and a neighborhood Pizza Parlor Owner.

If you get the chance to see this movie (It comes on tonight, Sunday July 23, at 8/7 Central), you should definitely not pass it up. You won’t be disappointed!

“I have always wanted an adventurous life. It took a
long time to realize that I was the only one who could make an
adventurous life happen to me.”

—RICHARD BACH

I do believe this is a very true statement.

Ou est toi?

Je suis ici!

Retourne a moi. J’ai besoin d’une belle fille.

Toujours, tu as besoin. Arretes! Sois-content, toi!

Peut-etre. Peut-etre.

Oh la la. Je suis fou. Desole.

All my life, in fallow fields
a potent soil beneath
and disappointed by my yields
I’ve sat in idle grief

And what to do but sit and pine
for magic remedies
I looked but found none in the skies
and sank unto my knees

So, this is where you’ll find me now
the ghost down in the glen
as blind as any man that sees
and deaf, though hearing all the din.

Errent the Dog

I wrote every other sentence of this story. Zach wrote the others. Aulus, I mean.

“What
a genius dog I have,” thought Folder. 
Errent was a dog known throughout Shilus Valley as the most intelligent
creature with eighteen toes. With a click or a whistle he could instantly
understand what a person was thinking and usually brought them flowers or warm
milk or whatever they required to feel better. 
One time Folder’s companion was climbing an old scaffold in the hills
near the coal mines and fell almost seventy-three feet; Folder had seen it
happen and clapped his hands to gain the attention of Errent. Errent ran in
circles around a nearby oak tree until the tree caught on fire, and the smoke
caught the attention of the watchman in the tower.  The watchman radioed his superior who radioed
his superior and on up the rungs of progress called bueracracy until the
governor was notified of the accident in an office far away. The governor
misunderstood the message, however, as a veiled threat.  Within hours he had secured the help of the
civil air patrol to carryout a super secret pre-emptive strike on the tower.
Meanwhile, back in town, Errent, Folder, and Folder’s friend, who was actually
fine because he landed in a jar of peanut butter, were enjoying some milkshakes
at the soda shop on the corner of Lake and Birch Streets.  Folder would spoon milkshake into his
friend’s mouth with the tip of a toothpick while Errent barked at the motorized
scooters that zipped down the road, bleeding pollutants into the air (pollution
makes Errent angry because his grandfather had a black tongue). The governor sealed
his fate when he bombed the mine, as it was the most productive industry in his
city-state, and the new governor was much more Environmentally friendly, and
this is the story of how Errent made his city-state a better place to live.  The End.

Newest Details

I think I’m looking to start around 7:45 or 8
and yes, I’ll play that Strokes song
on July 14th, 2006

Important!

Hey everyone, if you’re in Marietta this summer, or think you can make it out, I got a gig at a coffee shop on the square Friday July 14th.

Friday July 14th

Me with a Guitar, and my Dad

I need everyone to come out because I don’t want the weird hippys who always hang out up there to laugh at me. I want my friends to laugh at me.

The place is called Cool Beans, the show will be out back (near the welcome center and museum)

Please come, and feel free to send me your requests and I’ll learn them.

Love, Chris

This is a standardized test I took last month.

Sorry, did I say took? I meant to say “raped”.

98th percentile baby!

I don’t consider this bragging because I doubt any of you have actually taken this test. If you have or are planning to, I apologize.

My reproofs

You say: I’m allergic to warthogs

I say: I’m not allergic to warthogs, and I know because I made out with a warthog princess so that she would release my friend from the warthog dungeon of Nederslau.

You say: I’m in Spain today.

I say: I am where I am and everywhere I’ve ever been. I am the sum of all my experiences, and I carry everwhere I’ve visited within me. I am Denali National Park, I am Edinburgh Castle, I am St. John’s Island, I am Inis Moor, and I am eating lunch with Amrita Rao.

You say: I’m in England watching the world cup today.

I say: That’s an expensive plane ticket just to go over and watch someone lose because Wayne Rooney can’t control himself.